Perfect Angel

Sweet baby Aubany Grace .  . . until we meet again.

On Wednesday of this week, Sarah and I traveled to the Valley to attend funeral services for little Aubany Grace, the stillborn daughter of my nephew Justin and his sweet wife Jessica. The loss of any child is one of the greatest tragedies of this life, and Aubany's loss was doubly difficult under the circumstances. Justin and Jessica each brought a child to their marriage, Jessica's daughter Austyn and Justin's son Aiden, and they were ready as a family to welcome a new baby together. After several miscarriages, Aubany was conceived and all seemed to progress well. She was scheduled to be delivered on July 17th.

On July 7, just ten days before the planned due date, Justin was on his way home from a job in Texas and Jessica was at a family birthday party in Arizona when she realized she hadn't felt the baby move for an unusually long time. She went directly to the hospital, where the nurses were unable to find a heartbeat. It was later determined that the umbilical cord had become wrapped around the baby's neck. Justin was still five hours away when he received the news, pushing on through the night to be with his wife. Labor was induced and Aubany was delivered at 10:58 on the morning of July 9th, 6 lbs 5 oz and 19.5 inches long.

I'm so grateful that medical professionals now understand the importance of closure for parents of stillborn children. After Aubany's delivery, the hospital provided a little pink dress and allowed the family time to hold and snuggle her. They took many photographs to capture the short time they had with her as a family.

It wasn't always that way. After I was born, my mom suffered three miscarriages before she finally had a full-term pregnancy four years later. On the morning when she started labor, March 13, 1958, she felt the baby suddenly stop moving as she sat in her doctor's waiting room. Immediately after my brother Gerald was delivered, the nurses whisked him away. My mother never got to see him or hold him. I suppose they thought it was kinder that way. My dad saw him briefly and described him as perfectly formed, with golden hair. They never discovered why he passed away just hours before his birth. I always felt it was a tragedy that my mom never got to cuddle the little son she'd felt moving inside her for all those months.

For my four younger siblings and me growing up, Gerald was a very real presence in our home. He was as much our brother as each of us were siblings to each other. As a family, we spoke of him often. When Mom passed away, we knew she was rejoicing in her reunion with him. We know that when we're all united beyond the veil one day, Gerald will be there to take his place among us. And I know that Aubany will continue to be a part of Justin and Jessica's family in the same way.

Justin wrote this of the time they spent with Aubany: "We love her so much even though we have to say goodbye to her so quickly. She is beautiful and precious. Despite the loss, we have felt peace and happiness to have been blessed to have her in our lives, no matter how short it may have been. The spirit has been in the room with us constantly since her delivery."

Justin and Jessica with tiny Aubany at the viewing.

When we arrived at the memorial park, we were ushered into a small room that was already filled with family, although the facility limited gatherings to fifty people, due to covid-19 mandates. It was a bit surreal, with everyone wearing masks. It wasn't always easy to recognize even nieces and nephews I've known their whole lives.

Little Aubany was cradled in a small bassinet, looking tiny and perfect amidst the lacy frills and pink blankets. Too soon, it was time to place her fragile little body in the small casket in preparation for the graveside service. It was a heartbreaking moment, watching her parents tenderly carry her to her resting place and arrange her carefully inside. Tears rolled down their faces as they steeled themselves for the final goodbye.

The comfort of family in a time of sadness.

Family members comforted each other and said their farewells, some touching Aubany's tiny little fists and cheeks for the last time on this side of the veil. The grief and tears of Aubany's sister, Austyn, were heart wrenching. Her deep love for this little sister she'd waited so long to hold was beautiful to see.

The graveside service for Aubany. The grounds of Gilbert Memorial Park

were wide and beautifully kept. It's a fairly new cemetery.

A friend and family member, Matt Beeler, gave a short, uplifting talk, reminding us of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the plan of salvation that allows us to be reunited as families when we depart this life. My brother Jeff, Justin's father and Aubany's grandfather, dedicated the grave in beautifully touching words.

A tiny casket made with love by family members working together.

After the service, I was amazed to learn from my sister-in-law Dana that the sweet little casket was handmade as a labor of love by several family members. I don't recall all the details, but they purchased the hardwood and hardware, designed and constructed the box and lid, and added small, fine details. Jessica herself applied the gold leafing. Then the entire family wrote little love notes on the wood in the bottom and inside the lid before the padding was added.

Writing messages of love to Aubany.

Even after the service, many of us lingered for about 45 minutes, enjoying the comfort of family and the sharing of feelings to ease our grief. The memorial garden invited everyone to write messages on both sides of a large black stone near the building, which many people did. Such an outpouring of love and emotion!

Justin shields Jessica from the sun while she writes a love note to her baby girl.

Eventually we were driven indoors, though, by the extreme heat. When we went back out to my car, it was registering 114 degrees. (A few hours later it hit 118 before it began to drop again.) From the cemetery, we headed over to Jeff and Dana's church building for a luncheon. We spent more than an hour there, appreciating the air conditioning, good long visits with family, and a lovely lunch of pulled-meat sandwiches, salads, and cookies.

Three of five Butler siblings: Karla, Jeff, and Mary at luncheon after the services.

It's hard to fathom the pain of losing a child. My own experience in loss can't compare to what my nephew and his wife have just suffered through, but it does help me to empathize with the heartrending, bittersweet mixture of grief and joy. My first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage at twelve weeks, after about a week of unexplained bleeding. I remember my overwhelmed emotions when contractions finally pushed the tiny little figure out, and the feeling that I might just die of grief as I held my child in the palm of my hand.  

For three months, I felt that the grief would tear me apart. It reached a point where I started to think about going to sleep and never waking up. When I found myself sitting on the edge of the bed with a bottle of pills in my hand one day, wondering if that would stop the pain, I woke up to what was happening and cried out for help. The answer to that prayer was immediate and dramatic, and I know it saved my life.

A 10-week fetus, still in the amniotic sac. This is what my baby looked like.

The pain remained, but it began to soften and allowed a spark of hope to seep back in. I still cried myself to sleep at night, yet I was able to start working through the grief. I finally realized that the depth of our grief in loss is a tribute to the depth of our love for the one who was lost, even if that loss is only temporary during this time of mortal probation.

During those long, sleepless nights, I began composing a poem in my head about the evolution and purpose of my grief. Eventually, I knew I had to write it down. Many years later, in 2004, it became the only work I've ever had published (so far), in a book of poetry that I'm sure very few people have bought or read. But I was honored that they chose my poem to be on the first page of the collection.

Loss

The wrenching torment has gone.

No more am I swallowed up

In sorrow beyond voice.

The anguish raging past release

Has inscribed a memorial on my soul

And moved on.

It leaves behind an open wound,

A circle of emptiness.

There is no numbness to give comfort.

The edges of the void

Have become tender with sadness,

Soothed only by slow, haunted tears.

A gentle pain,

This soft touch of grief.

Enough to remember loss.

A quiet reminder

Of the child I barely knew.

I'll end with another poem, this one written nearly fifty years before my loss. I came across it by accident one day, about two months after my miscarriage, printed on the back side of a recipe I'd torn out of a magazine long before. I don't even recall if the title is actually "Tribute" or if that's just the name I gave it because the title was missing. 

I remember sobbing for a very long time after I read the poem. It evoked the full depth of grief I'd been suffering, but it also brought home to me how grateful I was to have had that tiny creature, son or daughter, in my life for even the short time I held him in my hand. It's a long poem, but I'll include only the portion that impacted me so strongly.

Tribute

by Elsie Robinson, 1940 

…And we who love must also dare to keep the faith

When those we love are lost,

Lest weaker spirits, watching, should cry out that

Love’s not worth the cost.

And so, my Father, take my grief today as tribute to

The glory you sent away.

I lay my little son within your arms, safe now,

Forever, from the hurt and harm

He would have known, had he lived.

I give him up. I drink the bitter cup reserved for

Those who dare to love and lose.

Forgive our fears!

There is a nobler duty facing us than tears.

It is our proud and shining mission to express

Love’s rare, abiding pride and loveliness.

We, only, who have lost, can know that love is worth

Whatever it may cost.

The Birthday Brothers

Jacob and Dylan celebrate their 29th and 23rd birthdays together.

July 5, 2020

As I mention every year around this time, my boys have birthdays just five days apart: Jacob on June 26 and Dylan on July 1. Plus their dad's birthday is June 21, five days before Jacob's. Over the years, we often celebrated both Jacob and Dylan with one party, although I did give them separate parties whenever we could work it out. Now that they're adults and living three hours apart, though, a combined party makes more sense. And I think they like it that way now. 

We had to wait a while to get both boys together this year, due to power-steering pump issues with Jacob's Jeep. We ended up having their party a week ago, last Sunday. However, Mark decided that one thing he wanted to do for his birthday was drive down to Mesa and have lunch at Golden Corral, so we did get to spend Jacob's actual birthday with him while we were there.

June 25, 2020: Ash-covered mountains left behind by the Bush Fire.

Since Mark's days off after his birthday were Thursday and Friday, we drove down the mountain on Thursday morning, the day before Jacob's birthday. We left at 9:45 and arrived at Jacob's place around 12:30. Beeline Highway (Hwy 87), between Payson and Phoenix, had reopened days earlier, after being closed for more than a week because of the Bush Fire. One northbound lane was closed for almost fifteen miles, thanks to damage along the highway in that area, but since that wouldn't affect us on our southbound trip, we decided to drive down through Payson.

Our view of charred mountains from the driver side.

I knew that we'd see remnants of the Bush Fire along the way, but the reality of it was still sobering, seeing how much land was affected. This was the fifth-largest wildfire in Arizona history, apparently started by a vehicle and destroying almost 194,000 acres. It wasn't as shocking visually as the forest fires that have hit too close to home in the last eighteen years, since we weren't seeing entire forests decimated and, let's face it, the desert doesn't have that much greenery to consume. In fact, most of the larger plants and cacti still stood tall, the damage seemingly invisible, including thousands of majestic saguaro. The long miles and miles of blackened earth and gray ash told another story, though.

View from passenger side, after coming off the mountain to the valley floor.

This desolation lasted for nearly forty miles, all along the highway's edge. It was especially disturbing while we were still crossing the mountains and foothills. The black and gray landscape stretched on over ridge upon ridge, as far as the eye could see. There were still hot spots where there were no flames, but tall columns of smoke rose from the hillsides. We passed a turnout filled with firefighters and their equipment, still monitoring the situation. Even after we reached the valley floor, the blackened devastation continued, now reaching over to the east side of the highway, as well. It went on for several miles past the Bush Highway turnoff, which stretches from the northwestern tip of Mesa, along Salt River, and past Saguaro Lake on it's way to join Beeline Highway. This is where the fire began on June 13 and from whence the fire got its name.

Golden Corral Buffet in southern Mesa.

Once we'd arrived safely at Jacob's house, we visited briefly and then headed over to Golden Corral for lunch around 1:00. From there, we went on to Bass Pro Shop, where I'd promised to buy birthday gifts for both Jacob and his dad. While there, I even found a cute red-white-and-blue flag shirt for myself.

An unexpected meeting with an old friend: Jacey and Jacob.

I love wandering around the Bass Pro Shops we come across in different cities and states. There's always a calm feeling there, similar to what I feel when camping and hiking. We had a fun surprise when we ran into a friend from long ago, Jacey Baldonado. When he walked up to me and cried, "Ms. Carter!" I had to make him take his mask off to see who he was!

Jacey's parents, Joey and Julie, were good friends of ours back when Sarah and Jacob and the older Baldonado kids were still preschoolers. Eventually, Jacey became one of my high school students. We spent some time reminiscing about how he used to get in trouble in school, but not so much in my class because I knew his parents too well! When the Baldonados moved away from the mountain a few years later, we lost touch, so it was extra fun seeing Jacey and getting caught up.

Jacob and his three birthday presents from Mom and Dad.

By the time we got back to Jacob's place, he had his gifts from Mark and me. He'd been wanting some camping equipment, so I got him a butane camp stove and a 12-inch Dutch oven.  Mark gave him the little iron contraption that lifts the lid off a Dutch oven when it's too hot to touch.

Mark with his belated gifts from Pro Bass Shop, from Jacob and me.

The googly-eyed donkey card was from Sarah at his earlier party. He loved it.

Mark had gotten his presents from the other kids at his birthday/Fathers Day party on June 21st, but when I couldn't think of a good gift idea, I'd told him he could choose something when we shopped for Jacob in Mesa. Jacob bought his dad the Bigfoot tee-shirt and the Bass Pro Shop cap in the photo above. He also gave him the cool fish card, which I plan to hang on the wall in Mark's bedroom. From me, Mark chose the blue fish swim trunks and the dark red Bass Pro Shop tee-shirt.

June 26, 2020: Inside Scottsdale Fashion Square Mall on Jacob's birthday.

We had dinner at Carl's Jr. on Thursday night. On Friday morning--Jacob's birthday--we had deviled eggs for breakfast before we took off to spend the day browsing and shopping. Our first stop was the Walmart in Scottsdale. I'd left my camera's memory card in my computer at home, so I decided to buy a new one rather than continue using my cell phone for photos. I also bought Dylan's birthday present, to give him when we had our party the following week. And then...well, let's just say I made a major impulse purchase.

The three-story Scottsdale Fashion Square Mall is the largest mall in Arizona.

Almost two million square feet of retail space!

Not too long ago, Dylan and Jake brought over their new virtual reality gaming system, called Oculus Quest. They let me try out episode one of the game Vader Immortal. I was blown away! With the surprisingly comfortable headset on, I entered a whole different, very realistic world. I raved about our Star Wars adventure at The Void in Las Vegas a year and a half ago, but Oculus is a completely new level. The Void does have one advantage, of setting up the environment so you can actually touch the things you think you see, and I do miss that aspect. However, the VR graphics in Oculus Quest were so excellent that I kept wanting to lean my arm on that table, rest my foot on that ledge. It was astounding. And, believe me, when Darth Vader strides across the room to you, you do look up...and up at him!

The guys cautioned me that it was hard to get your hands on the system. They'd waited six months after they ordered theirs, because of pandemic restrictions, before they finally received it. It wasn't even available in stores. I assured them that I was in no hurry. And then, there it was, in a case at Scottsdale Walmart. As we walked by, Jacob noticed it first and couldn't believe his eyes. Dylan still can't believe there was one just sitting there on a shelf. I struggled with the decision...for about two minutes. And now it's mine.

One of the smashed windows in a vandalized mall shop.

When we were done at Walmart, we moved on to Scottsdale Fashion Square Mall. Jacob was the one who suggested it. None of us had ever been there before, and he was curious to see the one and only place in Arizona that had been hit by the rioting and looting spawned by Black Lives Matter and Antifa. Thank goodness we live in a state where such nonsense was immediately put down. SWAT teams responded quickly, sending the rioters running like the destructive cowards they are, and arrests were swiftly made. In other states where law enforcement was told to stand down, the violence went on for weeks.

Most of the stores and shops were open, either because they were missed by the looters or they'd already made repairs. The crowd of marauders wasn't enormous, the mall is incredibly huge, and law enforcement responded promptly, so there's no way the thugs had time to get very far in their criminal efforts. However, there were still several smaller shops boarded up, with smashed windows and shattered glass visible on their floors and display cases. We spoke to some shop owners, who described how they'd removed all their inventory in anticipation of the attacks.

I got these earrings half-off at Hallmark. (Those are Jacob's fingers!)

We arrived right at 11:00, when the mall opened. It was very quiet inside, so it was easy to practice social distancing. There were rarely more than two or three people within view at any time. Mark and I carried bandannas, knowing that Maricopa County had issued a mask mandate. I only put mine on a few times, when I made purchases from the cashiers in Hallmark and Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory (dark chocolate almond bark!), but they assured us they didn't care. They only wore masks themselves because their employers required it, but I noticed they slipped them off when no one was close by.

At one point, we passed two police officers in the mall, and Jacob was nervous that someone had turned us in for not wearing masks. I told him we wouldn't get anything more than a warning (this isn't New York), but the officers just smiled at us as we passed and then ignored us. So did a passing security guard.

We checked in at Build-a-Bear to see when their Baby Yoda will be available.

Not until at least August, they said.

After nearly two hours in the mall, we had explored all three levels and visited any shops that piqued our interest. Jacob was disappointed that there was no Spencer's store, but I pointed out that Scottsdale is probably a little too high-class for such an unclassy shop. We were slowing down, getting tired of walking, when we stopped to rest at these massage chairs. For $1.00 each, all three of us got a wonderful three-minute massage, from ankles to scalp. It was hard to get the guys up again afterward!

Mark and Jacob enjoy a soothing massage.

Being June, it was quite hot in the Valley. While we were inside the nicely air-conditioned mall, my car was out in a parking garage. Even there in the shade, this was on my dashboard when we came back out a little before 1:00. The temperature topped out at 113 degrees that day. It was after 8:30 that evening when we left town, and the temp had only dropped to 105 by that time. Three hours later, it was so sweet to pull into my own driveway before midnight, where it was a cool 59 degrees outside.

My dashboard in the mall parking garage. Hot!

On our way back to Jacob's, we stopped for lunch at Chipotle's, and then we spent the rest of the day visiting and taking catnaps. I got caught up with things on my laptop, since I hadn't been online for two days. Jacob showed us his puppy Cache's newest tricks, like "sit" and "shake." Still just a fluffy, clumsy, cuddly pup, Cache's floppy ears were starting to stand up like the adult German shepherd he'll soon enough become, but he still had trouble controlling the one that keeps flopping sideways!

Love Cache's adorably crossed ears! But he'll outgrow it. 

We went to dinner at El Pollo Loco with Jacob before we packed up the car, said our goodbyes, and headed out of town. Being a Friday, all the traffic tends to head north toward the cool country where we live, flatlanders trying to escape the Valley heat. So we decided to forego the route through Payson that would surely be bumper-to-bumper, especially with the one northbound lane being closed for so many miles. Instead, we took the road through Globe-Miami. It was a good decision. All the roadwork had been shut down for the weekend, and I doubt we saw even a dozen other cars on the highway during the entire three-hour trip.

Jacob's roommate's wolf-hybrid, Ghost, keeps watch out the front window.

Originally, we'd planned to have the guys' party on the day after Dylan's birthday, but as I mentioned earlier, we had to delay due to car issues. Instead, Jacob came up late on the 4th of July and we celebrated the next day, a Sunday. Since Mark had to work at 4:00, we got started a little after noon.

July 5, 2020: Dylan with his birthday presents, four days after his birthday.

Everyone pitched in to prepare the dinner Dylan had requested, Caprese Chicken. Once it was in the oven, Dylan was anxious to open gifts. He'd been waiting an extra four days for them! 

Jacob had given him his gift already. Sarah gave him $30 cash hidden in a box of honey buns. Mark gave him a bag filled with Kit Kat bars and a $15 gift card. I gave him an air fryer, which he'd asked for after finding out that it can make even day-old chicken McNuggets taste yummy again!

Jacob tries to hide behind his gifts from Sarah.

Then it was Jacob's turn. Jacob and Dylan had already exchanged gifts a couple of weeks earlier. Sarah gave Jacob $30 cash, too, but hid his in a box of nutty-bar knock-offs. And he'd gotten his presents from Mark and me while we were in Mesa.

Two dishes of my Caprese Hasselback Chicken for dinner.

(I'd already removed mine from the right edge.)

Soon it was time to enjoy dinner. We had the Caprese Chicken with green beans on the side. I only recently learned that this method of slicing partly through and stuffing the slits in meat or potatoes is called "hasselback," from an old Swedish restaurant called Hasselbacken, established in the 1700s. I guess I'll have to rename the dish "Caprese Hasselback Chicken."

I love pics of all my kids together! Hiking Mogollon Rim Trail with pups:

Dylan, Jacob, Jake (with Razz), Sarah, and Chris (with Willow).

After dinner, Mark had to leave for work. Too stuffed for dessert, the kids all decided to take their pups--Sarah and Chris's Willow, and Dylan and Jake's Razz--to hike the Mogollon Rim Trail, just two miles from my house. I stayed home to wash up some dishes, but they sent me some fun photos.

When everyone returned, we enjoyed the ice cream cake Dylan had requested. His favorite is Oreo ice cream cake, but in this time of covid-19 when we're grateful to find toilet paper on the shelves, the ice cream case was pretty bare. I had to settle for a Reese's Peanut Butter ice cream cake, but it was yummy.

As always, these family reunions are much too short for my mother-heart, but I'm grateful for each opportunity to be together. Now we can look forward to coming family celebrations for more birthdays (mine and Sarah's) and the holidays!

Also on the Rim Trail, Sarah took this picture of the guys:

Chris (with Willow), Jake, Dylan, Jacob, and Razz in front.

A Fathers Day Birthday

Mark with our three kids: Jacob, Dylan, and Sarah.

I shot this on Mothers Day because I wasn't sure if Jacob would be here

today (he wasn't) or if I'd remember to get a group picture (I didn't).

May 11, 2020

As happens every several years, Mark's June 21st birthday falls on Fathers Day. This was one of those years, as he turned 52.

In honor of the double event, we had a little family party for him today. Jacob wasn't able to be here, although he plans to come up in a couple weeks to have a double celebration for his June 26th birthday and Dylan's July 1st birthday. And Chris had to work, so he couldn't join us, either. 

Mark himself had to be at work by 4:00 today, so Sarah, Dylan, Jake, and I celebrated with him from noon until 3:30. We started with make-your-own sub sandwiches, featuring a wide selection including roast beef, chicken breast, Black Forest ham, turkey, provolone, cheddar, pepper jack, red onion, and tomato. Plus condiments, of course. Ruffles potato chips and toasted onion sour cream dip were served on the side.

Mark with his birthday/Fathers Day gifts. Dylan found it humorous

that the gift card and candy bar together spell out "Dad Satisfies."

We spent a lot of time before and after lunch visiting. One of the best things about our time together was that no one brought out their phones much. I didn't even request it, but it just happened. It seemed like we talked and shared a little more than usual. Or, as I told the kids, maybe I'm the one who talked and shared more...which is already quite a lot!

While waiting for our lunch to digest, Mark checked out his birthday/Fathers Day gifts. Dylan and Jake gave him a sturdy shelf to put Mark's TV on in his room (right now it's on a pair of stacked antique trunks). Sarah and Chris gave him a $50 gift card and a Snickers bar.

As for me, we may go to Mesa this coming weekend to be with Jacob on his birthday, which is on Friday. Mark has been wanting to get down to the heat, goodness knows why. Maybe to enjoy Jacob's pool? While there, I'll treat both Mark and Jacob to lunch at Golden Corral, and then we'll stop by Bass Pro Shops to see if there's anything there they'd like me to get them for their birthdays. They have some nice clothing there, among so many other things. Plus Jacob has been asking for some camping equipment.

Cake and ice cream for the family to enjoy.

At 3:00, we brought out the cake and ice cream Mark had chosen. Of course, nothing would do except the $20 triple chocolate Hershey's cake! Plus rocky road and cookies-and-cream ice creams. 

Keto chocolate chip cheesecake muffins for me!

Last night I made myself some keto chocolate chip cheesecake muffins topped with raspberries and enjoyed two of them instead of the the sugary treats. I also passed up the chips and dip, and ate my sandwich stuffings on a plate with a knife and fork, without a bun. I lost 10.2 lbs in the first 21 days of strictly controlled low-carb eating, but this week has been a frustrating stall. Still, better to maintain until the loss kicks in again, than to start back up the scale. So I'm staying strong!

It was sad to have to end our party by 3:30, but Mark reluctantly got ready for work and we said goodbye to the guys. Sarah stayed until 6:00, when she had to pick up Chris from work. When we returned from dropping off Mark, we visited for about half an hour, but then Sarah and I both fell asleep in the comfy recliner-couch until just before six. Even little pup Willow slept that entire time. The excitement of our little party simply wore us out!

Mothers Day and More

May 11, 2020 - Mom and her kids: Dylan, Jacob, Mary, and Sarah.

For the most part, April 2020 is a month I'd prefer to put out of my mind. It was the month of the covid-19 quarantine; the month of shutting down our nation's economy and destroying livelihoods; the month in which media-promoted fear overcame common sense; the month of oppressing liberties in portions of the United States; the month of Mark being underfoot every day after Denny's shut down on March 20; and the month when Sarah and I were forced to cancel our long-planned and long-awaited girls' getaway to Monterey Bay. To say I'm not a fan is an understatement. 

If not for the anchor my family represents, I might have been overwhelmed by the constant emotional strain caused by concern for our nation's welfare; frustration with unnecessary restrictions and ongoing incidents of government overreach; anger at deliberate manipulation of information to promote fear; and bouts of mild depression from being denied my usual self-care outlets. I'm so grateful I was not alone in this.

I didn't post anything at all in this blog during April. Mostly it was because I struggled to get motivated each day. After all, I could barely remember what day it was, with no job to drive Mark to and no church on Sunday to help mark the days. My rebellion against the ridiculous "stay-at-home" concept is likely what saved me. Sarah and I took a day-long trip down Salt River Canyon and met Jacob for lunch in Globe one day, just to get out and enjoy some freedom and fresh air. I refused to avoid my children, despite being part of the at-risk class as a 65-year-old, and our weekly get-togethers gave me something good to look forward to. 

My heart goes out to those who languished in hospitals for weeks, and in many cases even died, without the solace of family close by. To those who buried their loved ones without the comfort of friends and family to mourn by their sides. To the young people who weren't able to join with those closest to them to celebrate long-planned weddings and graduations and other meaningful events. For too many in this time of crisis, the fear of sickness and death made them choose to stop living in the now.

May 9, 2020: A dark storm system moves in the day before Mothers Day.

I took this picture from the Safeway parking lot.

Needless to say, I'm thrilled that May has come at last, with warmer weather, blooming plants, and the reopening of businesses and other activities of life...at least in our conservative-led state. Sadly, not everyone is so lucky.

The coming of May also meant the coming of Mothers Day...and another excuse to spend some time with my children! It also happened that, after weeks of a dry, warming trend in our mountain weather, a thunderstorm chose that same weekend to descend upon us.

Jacob and Dylan take a selfie while grilling steaks and burgers

on Saturday evening.

Jacob even drove up on Saturday to spend a few days with us. As always, we enjoyed the visiting and teasing and laughing and wrestling and off-color jokes and general hilarity that ensue whenever all three of my kids are together.

Jacob mans the grill while Jake and Dylan keep him company.

On Saturday we had a delicious dinner of steaks and hamburgers, grilled by Jacob, served with chips and toasted onion dip, as requested by the guys.

On Saturday night, Jake, Dylan, and Jacob play a few games of Jenga...

After dinner was cleared away, Jacob, Dylan, and Jake played a few games of Jenga while I took pictures, Mark relaxed in front of the TV, and Sarah watched the boys' game from the living room. Later, everyone headed home except Jacob, of course, who rode home with Dylan and Jake since that's where he stayed during his visit.

...while Sarah watches from the love seat in the living room.

The storm moves into our neighborhood on Mothers Day morning.

Mothers Day dawned cool and wet, with rain preceding the thunderclouds that rolled into town around noon. While it wasn't a torrential downpour, the rain was nonetheless steady enough that we gave up on my idea to take family photos outside. I'd even put on makeup in honor of the occasion, for the first time in a full two months (what's the point of wearing makeup during a quarantine, after all?). So we put off the photo shoot until the following day, when my slept-in makeup wasn't quite so fresh.

Mothers Day gifts from my family.

As usual, my family made me feel special with lovingly selected gifts. Sarah gave me a huge, padded card filled with affectionate, personal thoughts and a pair of beautiful pink flowering plants to put on my porch. She also prepared a big batch of homemade chocolate-covered macadamias for me. Yum!

Sarah made me a dozen of these chocolate-covered macadamias. So good!

I loved the sweet way she decorated the bag she stored them in!

Jacob brought me a tower of gifts rising from a small vase, that included red silk flowers, a mini-heart "I love you" balloon, a small teddy bear holding a heart with "I love you" stitched on it, and assorted glitz and bows on a decorated package.

Mark gave me a card, along with a yellow daffodil and one of my favorite sugar-free candy bars.

 A collection of sweet gifts from our bishopric (church leaders of our ward).

Other little gifts also arrived throughout the previous week. Our bishopric sent out envelopes containing a gift card for Dairy Queen, a packet of flower seeds, and inspiring messages in appreciation of women and the gifts they share with the world. Traditionally, our bishopric does something really nice at church for the sisters of our ward on Mothers Day, but since all church meetings were cancelled two months ago, they had to get creative!

Flowers from the Johnsons...

And our friends from church, Jacque and Kendall Johnson, dropped off flowers a week before Mothers Day, and a plate of chocolate-covered strawberries on Mothers Day. There were actually five strawberries, but Sarah and I each ate one before I took the picture!

...and hand-dipped chocolate strawberries from the Johnsons.

I love how Sarah totally photo-bombs this picture of Dylan and Jake.

After the gift-giving, we went out into the drizzle for a bit, while Jacob checked out a bad brake-light in Sarah's Jeep. It was kind of nice outside, until the drizzle became heavier and drove us all back indoors. Even inside, though, the feel and smell of a rainy day is amazing! A while later the thunderclouds were overhead, with lightning strikes splitting the air and the rumble of thunder shaking the house. It lasted only a few hours, but it was exciting.

Dylan and Jacob during a hand of Skip-Bo.

We spent the afternoon playing games and enjoying the fun and camaraderie of getting silly together. It started with a couple hands of one of the kids' favorite games, Skip-Bo. I'm not really that much of  game person. I'd rather just watch and enjoy the visiting that goes on, but I've been letting the kids teach me how to play this card game. It's taken awhile for me to catch on to the strategy, but I'm getting better!

Jacob and Sarah during the same hand of Skip-Bo.

Jake ducks the camera during Skip-Bo.

After Skip-Bo, the guys retired to the family room for some raucous games of Super Smash Bros. While it's probably not among their top-most revered games, all being the extremely serious gamers that they are, I do believe it's one of their top favorites for going head-to-head against each other. It gets pretty cut-throat.

When they moved on to the racing game Mario Kart, Sarah joined the boys. She can get pretty intense herself when it comes to racing games!

Next, into the family room for some video games.

Eventually it was time for dinner, and I didn't even have to lend a hand. Sarah totally took over, preparing her specialty casserole (one of our favorites), Mexican Chicken. On the side, she served chicken-flavored rice and Spanish rice. It was wonderful and we ate until we were stuffed. In fact, we were so full that when it was time to say our goodbyes, no one had room for yummy cheesecake. However, we enjoyed it when we got together again, briefly, the following morning.

My kids didn't think I'd post this cringe-worthy shot, but here it is!

The kids all came over again on Monday morning, before Jacob headed back to Mesa at 11:30. I had asked them to do a quick project for me. As you can see in the previous photo of the family room, painting supplies and 12-foot-long baseboards (for an upcoming painting project) were taking up the already-limited floor space. This is the room where I work out with Ring Fit Adventure on Nintendo Switch, and I needed more room to move around. Jacob and Dylan measured and pre-cut the boards for me so we could stand them up in a corner, and then I was able to move the rest of the supplies out of the way.

With that accomplished, Sarah suggested that we do family pictures, now that the storm was gone and the sun was shining. So we did just that. At times we got so ridiculous that we could barely stand up for laughing so hard. I'm sure our neighbors, who were working in their garage, wondered what we thought was so hilarious!

Finally, we shared the cheesecake and sadly said our farewells. Jacob set off for his valley home, I headed to my chiropractor appointment (Sarah joined me since she was waiting for the mechanic to finish her car), Dylan and Jake went back to their house, and Mark returned to raking up piles of pine needles in our yard. Back to life as we know it.

And as for April:

April 9, 2020: More Skip-Bo at Sarah and Chris's house.

As I stated earlier, there were good things in April despite the pandemic madness. We had a wonderful Easter get-together on the Wednesday before Easter, since most of the kids had to work on Sunday. We enjoyed baked ham, mashed potatoes with country gravy, buttered corn, dinner rolls, and much later, pies. For some reason (motivation being in short supply during April), I neglected to take pictures to commemorate the occasion.

Cheesecake Bites are "to-die-for."

The very next evening, a Thursday, Sarah invited us all over to her house for games and goodies. This was the night I finally gave in and let them teach me how to play Skip-Bo.

Diego keeps an eye on our game. No cheating will be tolerated on his watch! 

His 13th birthday was on May 6th.

April 16, 2020: Dinner-and-a-Game night at my house. 

A week later, we got together again for family dinner. Afterward, we broke out Dylan and Jake's Pirates of the Caribbean version of The Game of life, which the rest of us had never played before. It was a lot of fun, getting to play as a pirate or a landlubber, sailing around the board on sailing-ship game pieces, buying or winning ships, and leading raids.

A close look at the Pirates of the Caribbean/Life game board and its sailing ships.

Birthday cake for Jake's 29th birthday.

Finally, the very last day of the month was Jake's birthday. We got together for a dinner of the spaghetti and garlic bread he'd been craving. Afterward, we had gifts and cake (yellow cake with chocolate frosting) and ice cream (Oreo cookies & cream). Since Jake wasn't feeling well that day, I didn't take many pictures, but we're glad we got to celebrate with him.

Jake's gifts.

I gave Jake a succulent cactus in a cute little brown vase, plus some cash. Mark gave him a bag of beef jerky and a box of crackers with soft cheese. Sarah and Chris got him a big candy bar and a gift card. I'd had the plant sitting on my table for more than a week, praying it wouldn't die before I gave it to him. I was so happy when we finally got to see him open his gifts!

When it comes right down to it, these are the moments that make my life meaningful!

And a homemade cheesecake topped with fresh strawberries for Sarah and Me!