March 13, 1958

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On this day 51 years ago, my brother Gerald Lynn was born. On this day 51 years ago, he died just hours before his birth.

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There are no pictures of him, of course. They didn't do that back in 1958. In fact, my mother--who carried him for 9 months--never even saw him. They whisked him away as soon as he was delivered. In those days, they thought that would be kinder, easier.

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My dad got to see him, though. He told my mom that Gerald had lots of golden hair and was perfect in every way. My mom took comfort in his words.

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These are my parents soon after their wedding in August 1953. My mom, Jane, was 15 (her 16th birthday was 6 weeks away) and my dad, Myron, was 18 (he was 19 two weeks later).

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Would we fall in love and take a risk on marriage and family if we knew what hardships lay ahead? Yet what joys would we miss if we didn't risk all on love?

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An autopsy was performed, but no one is sure why his spirit suddenly left his little body. Other than a "spot" on his lungs, which didn't appear serious, he should have been a healthy, squalling newborn.

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It must have been hard for my parents to wake up one morning expecting a new baby and then return home that night with empty arms to an empty crib. Especially since my mother had suffered 3 miscarriages before finally carrying this baby to term.

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I was just 3 when Gerald was born, so I only know what my mom told me when I was older and what she wrote in our big, metal family Bible. If I have any memory at all, it was that my mom was sad for a while and I wasn't able to comfort her.

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Mom said she woke up on the day of his birth and went into labor. The baby was moving around and all was fine. She went to see her doctor, and while she sat in the waiting room Gerald suddenly stopped moving, never to move again. Mom somehow knew he was gone.
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She was only 20 then, very young to bear the broken heart that comes with the loss of a child.

Mom recorded each of our births in the old family bible. Over time the ink began to fade, so she encased the page in clear contact paper.

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She noted that Gerald Lynn was delivered by Dr. Thomas P. Downey at Daniel Freeman Memorial Hospital in Inglewood, Los Angeles County, California. He weighed 5 lbs 10 oz and was 19 inches long.

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Then, sadly, she records that it was a stillbirth and Gerald was buried at Inglewood Park Cemetary in Inglewood, CA. The grave was dedicated by a Brother White of the Hawthorne Ward.

I don't know if I attended the funeral. I think I have a vague memory of it, or maybe I'm remembering pictures I've seen. I tried to find the photos, but apparently I never got copies.

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One photo showed my mom sitting at the graveside, wearing a short, light-colored jacket and looking solemn. Beside her was the little grave, covered with a mound of beautiful flowers.

Gerald, though we didn't get to grow up with you, our mom made you real to us. We always knew you were part of our forever family. I love to think of the great joy Mom found in being reunited with you when she left us almost 7 years ago.

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I look forward to getting to know you myself someday, little brother. Happy birthday, Gerald.