Passing On

I received word a few hours ago that my children's paternal grandfather passed away last night. My former father-in-law, Timothy Lyle Carter, was just 61.

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He hadn't been well for a long time. He weathered bouts with esophageal cancer, prostate cancer, strokes, and heart attack. On top of that, he was a heavy smoker and was obese most of his life, but each time he got knocked down he got back up again.
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When I married into the family, Tim and his second wife Mary (Mark's step-mom) lived in Iowa and I'd only met them once.

This picture was taken on July 2, 1995, just 5 weeks before Mary passed away from heart and lung diseases. Thank goodness we'd decided to visit them in Iowa before her death.

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Mary was 74 and Tim was 47, a 27-year difference. So no one thought it was a big deal when Mark married a woman merely 14 years older than himself (that's me)!

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Tim came out to visit us in Arizona twice, when Sarah was an infant and again when Jacob was a baby. Mark was Tim's only child, and Tim was so proud of his grandchildren.

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Here he is with Sarah in October 1991, a few weeks before her 2nd birthday.

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Like his son, Tim was a quiet man, but he had an offbeat sense of humor and a ton of patience. I think there were many times he wasn't sure what to make of me and my often strong opinions about family and children. He preferred a laid-back approach to life.
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This is Tim with Jacob (Jacob Timothy, after his grandpa and his dad, Mark Timothy), also in October 1991. Jacob was 3 months old and we had spent an afternoon picnicking here at Woodland Lake.

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A couple of years after Mary's death, Tim retired from John Deere, sold his house in Davenport, Iowa, and moved to Arizona. He bought the house right next door to his mom's house in Mesa. They've been taking care of each other ever since.

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Tim's mom, Helen (my kids' great grandmother) isn't sure what she'll do now. She recently turned 82. You aren't supposed to have to bury your children.

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It was nice to have Tim living here in Arizona. Not only did we know that someone was looking after Helen, but my children were finally able to get to know their Grandpa Carter because he was just a 3-hour drive away!

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He wasn't the kind of grandpa to get on the floor and romp with the kids (that was Helen's domain!), but he was so patient and always had time for them. They know he loved them and was proud of them in his quiet way.

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Here he is feeding Dylan a bottle when Dylan was 4 months old. He was very attentive to his grandchildren's needs.

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This 4-generation picture shows Helen, Tim, Mark, and Sarah and Jacob in October 1991. I wish I'd thought to do another after Dylan was born.

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There will be no funeral. Poor Helen is laid up with a broken ankle, but as soon as she can she'll fly to Iowa with Tim's body, where he'll be laid to rest beside his wife Mary. He picked out his headstone 12 years ago, when she died. There will be a simple graveside service.

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Helen told me Mark cried when the call came. I cried, too, for their grief. I'm grateful to know death is only a temporary separation. Families are forever.