Waiting in Paradise

Seven years ago today my mother went on ahead to wait for us in Paradise. I love to imagine her joyous reunion with her parents, her sister Eva, and my brother Gerald.

*

Mom had her first micro-strokes in April and May 1997 at the age of 59. It was frightening to see her confused and slurring her words. Her father, my grandfather Loyd Haley, died of a massive stroke at the age of 59, so we were worried, but Mom recovered quickly.

*

This picture with my 11-week old son Dylan was taken 4 months later, Sept. 19, 1997. Mom did pretty well for the next 2 years, but a lifetime of hypertension had done its damage.
*

She was on her porch on March 29, 1999 when she suffered a major stroke. Luckily a man who was there to spray for bugs called 911 and stayed with her.

*

Mom was paralyzed and unable to speak. She could communicate only by blinking once for yes and twice for no. How scared she must have felt! She was given a new clot-buster drug, and then Dad and I watched them load her into a helicopter and fly her to Phoenix.

*

Here she is at Barrow Neurological Institute 5 days later. She hated that feeding tube in her nose! Miraculously, she relearned to walk and talk, although she never fully regained her strength.

Mom continued to suffer health problems after this. In May 2000 she had a heart attack and congestive heart failure, getting a pacemaker. In June of that year she developed painful arthritis in her spine. In May 2001 they found she had a leaky heart valve. When she was dignosed in March 2002 with diabetes and kidney failure, just months from dialysis, Mom had had enough.

Mom declined quickly after that. She had begun to dread springtime because her strokes and heart attacks seemed to come in the spring. Now, however, she embraced the hope that she would go quickly in the spring of 2002.

*

About a year earlier she had begun to talk of her death as if she knew it was imminent. She began giving away her things and told me she didn't think she would live to be 65. I thought she was being fanciful and just needed to fight.

How could she even think about not being around to watch her precious grandchildren grow up? I asked myself.

*

She did confide to me during her last months that her biggest regret was not spending more time with her grandchildren when she had felt well enough to enjoy them more.

*

This is Dylan, who found his way into a tree near the gravesite after the funeral. He was only 4 when he lost his grandmother, but he has surprisingly clear memories of her. He still talks about how he looks forward to seeing Grandma Butler again when Jesus returns to earth and she is resurrected.
*

The night before Mom died we discussed how hard it was to enjoy the few foods she was allowed to eat. She was so frustrated. When I left, I gave her a hug and a kiss, never dreaming it would be the last time I saw her.

*

The next morning we spoke on the phone. She told me she thought she didn't have long. I called my sister in Mesa to suggest she give Mom a call, but we were both in denial.
Mom watched the final two Sunday sessions of general conference, then she began letting go. Dad called me from the hospital to say she was bad but the doctors were working on her. He thought she'd be fine, so I didn't need to rush over.

*

My brother Darryl was there. He says Dad was deeply in denial.

*

After we hung up, I had a strange sensation, like Mom's spirit had passed through mine. I remember telling her in my mind that it was okay, I was ready to let her go if it was her time.

*

At that same time, Darryl was watching the doctors trying to save her life. At first she seemed to be fighting to live, and then he said she got a look of peace on her face and just relaxed. Then she was gone. She was 64, just 5 months shy of her 65th birthday.

*

I wasn't really ready, of course. It was incredibly hard to go to the hospital after Darryl called to say she had passed away. It was wrenching to call my sister and give her the news. But there was no doubt in my heart that Mom chose to go and she was finally pain-free and happy.
You can see my dad went all out on the headstone. It tells a story. Mom loved her dogs and she loved traveling with Dad during his years as a trucker. But above all she loved family. All 6 of her children's names are inscribed on the back, along with a picture taken on the day we were sealed in the temple.
*
Left to right, here we all are with our Dad: Jeff, Darryl, Karla, Mary (me), and LeRoy. I know Mom loved it when we were all together.
The spouses are included in this picture: Darryl and Tamera; Jeff and Dana; Karla and Brian; Lori and LeRoy; and Mary and Mark (now my ex-husband).

*

The great thing about funerals is the support of family. It really carried us through that first week after Mom's death. We were able to spend time with relatives we hadn't seen in ages, who came to grieve with us.

Here we have Uncle Ernie & Aunt Alma, Uncle Elmer & Aunt Jean, Uncle Neil & Aunt Susan, and Uncle Ralph & Aunt Fern with Dad. (Uncle Elmer passed away a few years ago from a stroke.) Ernie, Jean, and Fern are dad's siblings. Ralph is Mom's brother.

*

Aunts, uncles, cousins, family friends--they formed a comforting circle of love around us.

*

Families are forever, a beautiful gift from God that we enjoy here and now.

*

We miss you, Mom.