First Funeral

Our new Relief Society presidency: Karen (el presidente),

Megan and Liz (counselors), and Mary (secretary).

Our new Relief Society presidency has been in place for two months now, and it has been quite the learning experience thus far. The most awesome thing about it has been working with the other three amazing ladies called to serve as president and counselors of this ward organization. They are such an inspiration and example to me. Second-most-awesome has been the increased opportunities to serve, something which I admit has always been an awkward area for me. What if I don't know what to say or do? What if they don't want my help? What if I screw up somehow? Yet I fully expect to grow in this area as service opportunities continue to come along over the coming years.

One of the duties that often fall to the Relief Society is the handling of funerals. Thank goodness that it's no longer the same as it was when I was a child and the RS sisters were called upon to wash, prepare, and clothe the deceased's body prior to the viewing. I'm not sure I could have handled that. Even when my own mother passed away fifteen years ago, I couldn't bring myself to touch the shell that no longer held her spirit. I'm so grateful for morticians and other funeral home personnel who respectfully handle those details for those of us who cannot.

Today, the focus of service when there's been a death of a ward member is in seeing that the needs of the surviving family are being met, physically and emotionally. On the day of the funeral, the RS generally plans, sets up, and serves a luncheon to the family and other funeral attendees so they can relax and visit after the funeral and graveside services. Not long after I was called to this position, I wondered about this new and rather intimidating responsibility, but I had no idea how soon I would experience it firsthand.

Karen cut up six hams!

Almost immediately after our return from our northern California vacation, within the space of about a week, our ward lost three great ladies. One was the mother of a woman in our ward, who finally lost her long battle with cancer. It wasn't decided immediately whether services would be held in the Valley, where she passed away, or here on the mountain. However, I just received word that we'll be providing a luncheon after her services this coming Saturday.

Another was an elderly lady who'd been struggling with more health issues than I can recount, including a mysterious malady her doctors couldn't identify. When they finally discovered what was making her sick, the Lord wasted no time in releasing her from her pain and calling her home. Karen and I had visited her at home just a week before I left on my trip. A few days after we returned, she was gone. Her desire was for a quiet graveside service only, which will likely be held in Snowflake, where her closest friends and family live, so we probably won't be involved.

Another Karen is on our meetings committee.

She's a super-duper trooper!

On Saturday, though, we participated in the funeral of an incredible, stalwart woman by the name of Jean Lee, who was a well-known and much-loved figure in our community. Given her very large family (I learned on the day of the funeral that Jean is my step-mom Kathy's cousin) and huge circle of friends, we knew it was likely to be quite a large funeral. And it was. My guess is that there were between four hundred and five hundred people who attended the services. Literally, no parking spaces were left outside the church, with standing room only inside.

Twenty-five tables were set up, with eight chairs at each, but it was

still standing room only. We fed almost 250 people at the luncheon.

The Relief Society wasn't directly involved in the services, which were planned and carried out by the family and funeral director, but Karen, Megan, and Liz attended the chapel services. I remained in the kitchen to receive the rolls and "funeral potatoes" (sort of a Mormon tradition, similar to scalloped potatoes) brought in by volunteers. However, by sitting near the door to the hall, I was able to hear parts of the talks given by her children, as well as music provided by her grandchildren and great-grandchildren. The funeral actually started about fifteen minutes early because Jean was a no-nonsense lady who always insisted, "If you're not ten minutes early, you're late."

Beautiful floral arrangements at each table.

Prior to the funeral, hundreds of people lined the halls, waiting in line for the viewing. I sneaked in myself to see the casket everyone was talking about, which was handmade by one of Jean's sons. It was an absolute work of art and a fitting tribute to his mother. I'll always remember the beautiful craftsmanship and the striking elk-horn handles.

All in all, it was a beautiful and touching event. Jean will be missed by all who love her, but I suspect that when she knew it was her time, she was ready. She had been a widow for many years, and I love to imagine the joy of her reunion with her beloved Floyd.

When the funeral ended and the mourners followed the hearse to the cemetery for the graveside service, that's when our responsibilities kicked into high gear. Twenty-five tables needed to be decorated; dozens of pitchers needed to be filled with ice and water; six hams needed to be carved; a dozen casserole dishes filled with funeral potatoes needed to be taken from the oven and prepped for the serving tables; and salads, rolls, and donuts needed to be placed in large serving bowls and platters. (Jean was famous for her homemade donuts.) All the while, we kept asking ourselves, "Will there be enough food for a crowd this large?"

Miraculously, we had just enough. Everyone got a meal before the rolls and donuts ran out. There was even enough leftover salad, potatoes, and ham to assemble small meals to be taken to the homes of a few needy families that evening.

Larger floral arrangements were brought in from the funeral 

to be enjoyed at the luncheon.

When it was over, after about six hours on our feet, we were all ready to go home and put our sore feet up for the remainder of the night. We joked about how our very first funeral just had to be the largest one we'll likely ever be called upon to do (knock wood...). We supposed that any others that may follow will seem light by comparison. Especially now that we know what to expect, since this experience was new to all four of us.

We also joked about why the bishop called a foursome of "gimps" like us to a calling that could more easily be done by younger, healthier ladies in their twenties! Karen is struggling with toes that have been broken and re-broken, wearing a boot; Megan also wears a boot for a broken foot; Liz has had some recent health challenges, including gall bladder surgery just a few weeks before the funeral; and me...well, take your pick. Scoliosis (back pain), trochanteric bursitis (hip pain); sciatica (numbness, tingling, pain in hip and leg), overly-pronated arches (foot pain), ongoing issues from knee surgery and a torn meniscus (pain in both knees), and some remaining edema (swelling) in my feet and ankles as I recovered from our long drive during our vacation. As they say, "Gettin' old ain't fer sissies." It was indeed a hard day for each of us. And yet, what can be more satisfying than a tough job well done for those we care about?

My friends Eugene and Wyndie with their first grand-baby, 

little Gemma. This was my first chance to meet her!

This event was not our show alone. There were so many helping hands who made it all happen, from the volunteers who prepared food, to the men who set up tables and chairs, to the crew who came at the end to help with cleanup, to A'Lece who ran a nursery for little ones so their parents could focus on the services, to those who volunteered to run errands so we could do our jobs, to a young girl named Claire who kept asking what else she could do to help... Literally, we could not have done it without everyone's help. Thanks to each one of you for your willingness to serve and help make this day special for a grieving family.