Twenty Years Ago

Mark and I were married 20 years ago today.
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Even though we divorced almost 3 years ago (in fact, I filed the divorce papers on our 17th anniversary; it seemed appropriate somehow to bookend our marriage that way), I think the 20th anniversary of the day that began our family is worth a little look back in time.

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On June 2, 1989, we stood before Judge Gale Goodman in a Mesa courthouse and exchanged our vows. Judge Goodman was a good-humored LDS guy who made our ceremony memorable.

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He read the Apache wedding ceremony, which was beautiful. Then he assured us that it was accurate because he saw it in a John Wayne movie once, and John Wayne would never lie!

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He spoke about his marriage to his own sweetheart. That marriage produced 11 children, he said, but that wasn't necessarily a challange to us!

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We had a small, quiet wedding with perhaps 40 guests sitting in the benches, and the overflow sat in the jury seats!

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We had no bridesmaids, no groomsmen. My sister Karla was my matron of honor. Mark's best man was Robert, his best friend since 5th grade.

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I was 34 years old. Mark was 20, but he turned 21 just 19 days later. Yes, I robbed the cradle!

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The difference in our ages was never a problem.

Our reception was held at my parents' home. My mom decorated the house, provided the dishes and the blue punch, and made her famously delicious cheeseballs for every table.

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My wedding colors were blue and white (still my favorite colors). My former sister-in-law Lynda made this gorgeous cake, as well as my hat and the bouquets, corsages, and boutonnieres.

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The cake top was a blown glass wishing well I had bought in California more than 10 years earlier. After the wedding we kept it on the kitchen table until Mark accidentally broke it with a pan during our first year together.

The entire wedding, including reception, matching wedding bands, and a short honeymoon cost me only $400. I couldn't have done it without the help of many friends and family members.

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It wasn't elaborate, but it was intimate and fun. I am firmly of the opinion that weddings don't need to be fancy, huge, or expensive to be memorable.

One of the things I loved most was having my nieces and nephews in attendance. Not nearly as many of them then as there are now!

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Here we have Jamison, Joshua, then 2 sons of friends, then Jeremy, Justin, Genevieve, and Ashley. Twenty years ago...wow. Now nearly all of these children are married with children of their own.

Do I have regrets? No, not really. Despite the rough times created by his addictions, Mark is a good-hearted guy who loved his family. We had a good relationship until meth came along and took over.

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If Mark had chosen his family over drugs, we would still be happily together. I regret that I had to choose divorce in order to protect my kids, but we had a pretty good ride for most of 17 years!

Besides, I got a sweet deal in our 3 incredible children. I wouldn't wish them away for anything!

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At the end of the reception we posed with our grandmothers. My Grandma Alta Haley is in the blue; Mark's Grandma Helen Carter is in the pink and white.

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Happy memories. Tomorrow I'll take you all along on our honeymoon!